The Illusion of Succes and Chasing a Fake Dream
This blog post was originally published on The Stoic Student
Written by Alex
Ever since I was little, I dreamed about becoming famous. I think many of us had this dream where we’re on a dark-lit stage singing our favourite genre of music with strangers cheering and screaming our name.The thought of being in the spotlight and being known by everybody feels amazing. I won’t lie, I still have similar dreams:but not related to music. I dream about doing something extraordinary, something meaningful, that makes people’s lives better.
Seeing famous people on social media or the many child prodigies on TV is, well, frustrating (and demotivating). Especially knowing that you’re older and haven’t had such success , or knowing how hard it is to get there and how much work has to be done makes you feel like you’ve been wasting your time. The wish of achieving this “success” is killing you on the inside — and there’s a reason for that. Mass-media created the illusion that fame is synonymous with success. Well here’s the catch: it isn’t.. Recognition isn’t success. Success is it’s own experience: one you decide.
Success doesn’t necessarily mean doing remarkable things either. Finishing your education or creating a family is a huge success too. What matters here is that you’ve defined and decided what succes means in your life, and have lived (or started to live) by that.
Chasing success inspired by popularity is painful and might just lead you into a dead end, a fake dream, something that you feel like you want, but gives you nothing worthwhile. Marcus Aurelius acknowledges that too in Meditations:
“The happiness of those who want to be popular depends on others; the happiness of those who seek pleasure fluctuates with moods outside their control; but the happiness of the wise grows out of their own free acts.”
He suggests that our happiness will suffer if we seek success just for the sake of popularity. Thinking about those fake dreams may give you a fleeting moment of joy and dopamine release. But the dreams in themselves are just dreams. Just fantasy. And the reality of success is that it requires two qualities: the pursuit of a worthwhile endeavour that improves our lives, and that it’s a painful process.
To achieve something and to fulfill your goals and dreams requires a certain amount of suffering. It is a struggle to get there. And unlike dreaming about something, chasing such dreams require action. And action brings with itself the struggle to get there. In order to survive, you must embrace that struggle, otherwise the pain will stop you entirely. That is a fake dream and it is important to recognise the fake dreams that you have and realise that it is not what you really want.It’s just the dopamine rush that you get from fantasizing about them.You must embrace, even love the frustrations of playing guitar if you want to be some sort of a rockstar; you must love the long hours of drawing if you want to become an artist. In every endeavour, you must embrace this struggle.The alternative is frustration, a lack of progress, and running headfirst into deadends.
It’s here we come full circle: by loving the process required to achieve your dreams, choose the right dreams for you and don’t obsess over the end result.This is will help you bring long-term happiness,and from a stoicism perspective, it’s in your control most of the time and remember that you define what you deem to be successful.And the opinions of others? They won’t have any affect on your dreams. They’re just opinions. You can acknowledge them and let them go, because you’ve found what matters. Your beliefs, your values, your dreams.
The rest will follow.
